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RSSInterpersonal conflict is something inevitable in life. The most significant encounter of an interpersonal conflict I had when I was in secondary two still remains fresh in my memory. Those were the days when my best friend and I would share everything and anything under the sun with each other. We both agreed that certain things will be kept just between us and trusted each other on that promise. I thought that some things would be readily understood that it was supposed to be meant for her knowledge only, so I did not make it a point to remind her to keep it a secret.
To my horror, I came to a realization that she had been telling my other friends about my personal problems! I felt betrayed and bitter. I wondered if I was wrong to have trusted anybody in the first place. I tried to confront her immediately if she was aware of her own actions. What greatly surprised me was that she was not apologetic and she even defended herself with reasons that led her to do it although she knew she was not supposed to. It aggravated my anger as I was truly disappointed in her. I insisted that it was wrong of her to make her own decision to tell my problems to others without my consent. Soon, we were raising voices at each other, eager to win the argument. We were too emotional to think clearly as we argued. Finally, it ended with both of us walking away, hurt and tearing.
For the next couple of weeks, we did not speak to each other. During that period of cold war, I reflected on our argument. Actually, we were both at fault for not taking a step back each. The heated conflict could have been avoided if we were cool-headed when confronting each other. I guess we both felt awkward avoiding each other so we apologised to each other when we coincidentally met in the CCA store room one day. After patching up, we came to a conclusion that there was miscommunication between us and we did not understand the message we tried to convey to each other.
Thinking back, I realised that on my part, I should have told her clearly that some problems were too sensitive to let anyone else know. She could have discussed with me before she did something that made me feel betrayed. However, she was actually getting help for me without the intention of misusing my trust while I did not listen to her properly when she tried to explain herself to me during the confrontation. I regret that such unnecessary conflict occurred when we could have communicated to each other clearly and prevented so much unhappiness. However, I feel that such encounters are the ones that teach us life skills that could change us for the better and help us strengthen our relationships when we overcome them successfully! I'm glad that conflict did not affect our relationship and it's now a topic that we would mention in our conversations and laugh off as a memorable "childish" act!
4 comments: (+add yours?)
Hi Win Yee,
I am pleased to hear about your relationship with your best friend. It is a very encouraging story and a very good example of conflicts being resolved, resulting to an even closer relationship. Though it must have been difficult during the sour period of your friendship, in the end, both of you were able to overcome the stumbling block and came out victorious with a bond even stronger than before.
I believe that understanding is one of the most important things that resolve a conflict. In your situation, you are blessed to have both of you accept your own shortcomings and mutually understand the situation you were in. After your accidental encounter with one another at the CCA store room, I believe that it helped made things easier for both of you to catch up with one another as good old best friends.
I hope for the best in your relationship with your best friend.
Regards,
Paul
Dear Win Yee,
I agree with you that conflicts arise all the day. We have to accept them as a part of our lives. However, we can still prevent conflicts from becoming serious misunderstanding among people. Toward the end of your story, I find out that your best friend told your secrets to other people in order to gain help for you. It was a good intention. However, she shouldn't have done that without your approval. It was human you felt angry and quarreled with your friend at first. The only you knew then was that she'd betrayed you by telling your personal stuff to other people. Yet, when you had time to reconsider the situation, you realized she did it for a good purpose.
So what's the point here? Although we my get angry and lose your temper, one good advice is to listen to what the other person is trying to say and digest it. When you understand the reason why that person is doing things that seem to annoy you, it will be easier to feel sympathetic and bury the hatches.
Hope all the best for you and your friend.
Regards,
Frank
Hello Win Yee,
You had shared a very personal and interesting encounter in your post. I am glad that you and your friend managed to patch things up in the end. Life is definitely too short to be a victim of your own emotions.
Personally, if I were in your shoes, I would have approached your friend in a level-headed and amicable manner. I know that it could be very difficult to control one’s anger when one feels wronged hence it is advisable to only approach your friend when you have calmed down. There are many numerous techniques that you could utilize to calm yourself down. These include taking a walk, counting to ten in a slow and relaxed manner or looking at objects that are green in colour; preferably trees. These techniques would enable your heart rate to slow down hence you would be less likely to be confrontational and emotionally impulsive during the conversation with your friend.
In fact, when time had passed and both of you had calmed down, both of you managed to resolve your conflict amicably. Hence, you also had experienced first-hand the positive effects of cooling oneself down before a confrontation. It is only during the moment of anger that emotions will cloud one’s judgment and cause one to not think lucidly. Well as the saying goes, “What does not kill you makes you stronger”. In this case, it enabled you to develop your conflict resolution skills as well as your inter-personal skills.
Best Regards,
Khairul
Hello Win Yee,
Thank you for sharing your story. i like your story very much. It is because i have a similar experience also. However, not every story has a happy ending like yours. My story happened when i was in secondary 4.One of my best friend and i fought with each other due to some reasons in school. Nowadays, i almost forget what is the reason. However, i was very angry at that time. In the end, school despline master punished both of us. After that, we start our cold war. During that period of time, my friend got some serious medical problems. As a result, he had to go back China to cure. I totally do not know this thing until he had gone back to China. In the end, we did not apologies to each other. In fact, i have already forgiven him for a long time and just never told him. i regret for that. Untill now, i still do not have any information about him.
In my opinion, all these small issues make your life more exciting, isnt it?
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