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RSSMost would prefer to listen actively only when the topic interest them and it can be quite painful to see someone looking distracted, especially if you are relating your personal matters to him/her. The person whom you are talking to turning away to converse with another person as you are speaking can be the most distasteful experience in a conversation! It may sound ridiculous but sadly, it happens. After encountering such experiences, I think it either reflects on how much your words mean to him/her or his/her poor communication skills.
The picture below portrays the kind of one-way communication which I have discussed above. I can also relate to it as it shows the kind of situation which I feel I get myself into when I talk to a person who fails to respond to my words appropriately such as having no expression as I am speaking.
Perhaps they might be unaware of their behaviour but they should start brushing up on their listening skills if they want to earn respect from those around them. Giving them gentle feedback might help them improve their listening skills but they will have to accept the feedback positively in the first place if they intend to change their ways.
To prevent such situations, we should bear in mind a few simple but effective pointers when we converse with others. I personally think that having eye-contact, nodding and avoiding distractions will ensure that you connect with the person speaking to you. It is crucial that we adopt active listening skills to understand the message clearly as this in turn will allow us to respond appropriately in verbal or non-verbal manner.
4 comments: (+add yours?)
Hello Win Yee,
I enjoyed reading your post as it made me dwell deeper on issues that were unbeknownst to me previously. Among some of the issues raised is your assertion that interpersonal communication skill is something innate. That assertion could potentially bring a paradigm shift in the way someone perceives ineffective speakers. In fact, thinking along that mindset, what it means is that an ineffective speaker has the means to be an effective communicator as it is imbued in him.
First and foremost, I really appreciate your perspective on this issue as you brought a fresh, novel and inspired approach to the table. However, respectfully I would have to disagree with you that interpersonal communication skill is something innate in humans. In my opinion, I believe that being an effective communicator takes a lot of preparation and practice.
To validate my comment, just look at the phenomenon occurring in England where affluent families spend thousands of pounds to send their children to an elite boarding school. Despite the waiting list which puts an Iphone provider to shame, these boarding schools are still highly-sought after as it is renowned for its holistic approach in the development of a child. One of the areas it focuses on is the development of the child’s interpersonal skills with the goal of producing charismatic and articulate adults. In fact, many of these children would grow up to be renowned politicians, lawyers and business moguls.
However, in spite of my stand on the issue, I do agree with you that it is ultimately a person’s fault for being an ineffective speaker. Someone who knows he is lacking in the interpersonal skills department should take a proactive approach in correcting it by attending workshops or courses as ultimately the onus is still on him.
Best Regards,
Khairul
Hello Win Yee,
I agree with you that it is very annoying to talk to people who don't really pay attention to what we say. Obviously, the one we are talking to lacks interpersonal communication skills. If they tried to put themselves in the same situation, they would also probably find it very distasteful. They only think for themselves and forget their responsibilities as communicators. What can we do in that case? It'd be better if we ask the listeners to pay a little attention to really listen to what we are saying, or worse, stop the communication so that they can do whatever they want. Providing they are thoughtful enough, they will understand what they are doing is wrong.
However, there is still another reason for such action of the listeners. There may be something to do with our talk, either the issue is irrelevant or we are not being good enough to attract their attention. Before we take the next step, just spend some minutes reflecting on whether what we are doing is appropriate.
On the whole, it is very interesting to read your post.
Regards,
Frank
Hello Win Yee,
i agree your point that it is very distracting if someone does not pay attention when you are talking. However, you need to understand that communication is the interaction between people. Good commuication skill is not just like good listening skill. We also need to know how to talk in such way people are engaged. For example, you can have many ways to tell a story. Some ways can make people feel very excited about your story and they certainly pay much attention about the story you are saying, Am i right? However, sometime we just use wrong ways to tell our story. that is the reason why people turn away while you are talking. Hence, we cannot complain if someone gives you some boring replies while you are talking. These are signals telling you that you need to change your way of talking and win back their attention again. I believe this is the most important skill which we need to learn.
In conclusion, interpersonal communication skills is not just good listening skill, but also good talking skill.
Above is just my opinion, and i hope you agree with me.
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